Many readers
of this page sent me condolences after they read my tributes to Trust
newspapers’ late managing editor, Sulaiman Mohammed and my late
brother-in-law Abubakar Abdullahi Yusuf, last month.
But one such message came with more than
just the condolences, it came with a request to please write and advise
women to be kinder. I replied and asked ‘kinder to who?’ But Malam M M
(names withheld to guard against domestic retribution) just answered
that women should be advised to be better generally. In response to his
request, I am presenting the following piece I got from
www.hubpages.com. Hope it answers the request.
Do you want to know how to keep your husband happy? Here are some of the qualities a man looks for in his wife.
1) Be pleasant: It is said that ‘we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated’. Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around feel bad just because they have had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one.
2) Treat your Husband with Respect: If you expect respect from others we need to treat others with respect too. Haven’t we all heard ‘Give respect and take respect’? Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving way and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby and she never chooses to belittle or humiliate or otherwise harm him in private or in public.
3) Communicate: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things from your husband or keep secrets after marriage. Be honest with him. Find time to sit and talk with your husband on a daily basis even if it is for only half an hour. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share anything with him, then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when your husband is talking. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but allow him to talk first. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Good Communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship. After marriage the wife and husband are a team or partners. Do not take any major decisions about the family without consulting with him. Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.
4) Be Supportive: A husband expects his wife’s support and understanding, especially in times of troubles. A good wife loves her hubby through his successes and failures and provides reassurance when he’s feeling down. She is a nurturer and an equal partner in the marriage. Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego. It is often said that ‘a wife can make a man or break a man’. There’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him especially in front of others. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely compliment him. If you do this you can expect your husband to behave with you in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. When you don’t agree with him respectfully let him know you don’t agree.
5) Do not nag: No man would like a nagging wife. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Many wives think that is the only way to get her husband to do things is by nagging. But the truth is that your nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn’t mean he has to do it.
6) Give him his space: As a wife you need to understand that your husband has a life other than you also. He has his family, friends and colleagues who are part of his life too. He may also have some hobbies he is involved in. Don’t expect his undivided attention. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes.
7) Keep him happy in bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. When you please your man, he would be obliged to please you too. Please your man in bed. If you cannot keep your man happy in bed he may go where he can get it. After all, a man is a man! According to research, the major reason why men cheat is mostly physical whereas for a woman it is emotional.
8) Plan Surprises: Men like surprises too. It can be anything like organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it or planning a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite snack or any of his favorite dishes once in a while even if you would rather eat something else.
9) Express your love and appreciation often: Men like praises and appreciation. Make the best of your time together. They like to hear the words ‘I love you’ too. Also join him in activities that he’s interested in even though you would prefer to do something else. Give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him very often, especially when he is at home. You can cook for him or give him a good massage. Making him dependent on you by doing his chores when he is at home is not a bad idea. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. Don’t withhold affection.
10) Honesty, Loyalty and Dedication: A good wife should be honest, loyal and dedicated to her husband. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
11) Prepare yourself: A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Take special care about your appearance every day. Include exercises in your daily routine. Be hygienic. Some woman feel that since they are married why they should dress up or take care of their appearance. A man likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat on you behind your back.
12) Prepare the House: Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this, be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously, without complains.
Do you want to know how to keep your husband happy? Here are some of the qualities a man looks for in his wife.
1) Be pleasant: It is said that ‘we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated’. Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around feel bad just because they have had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one.
2) Treat your Husband with Respect: If you expect respect from others we need to treat others with respect too. Haven’t we all heard ‘Give respect and take respect’? Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving way and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby and she never chooses to belittle or humiliate or otherwise harm him in private or in public.
3) Communicate: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things from your husband or keep secrets after marriage. Be honest with him. Find time to sit and talk with your husband on a daily basis even if it is for only half an hour. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share anything with him, then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when your husband is talking. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but allow him to talk first. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Good Communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship. After marriage the wife and husband are a team or partners. Do not take any major decisions about the family without consulting with him. Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.
4) Be Supportive: A husband expects his wife’s support and understanding, especially in times of troubles. A good wife loves her hubby through his successes and failures and provides reassurance when he’s feeling down. She is a nurturer and an equal partner in the marriage. Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego. It is often said that ‘a wife can make a man or break a man’. There’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him especially in front of others. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely compliment him. If you do this you can expect your husband to behave with you in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. When you don’t agree with him respectfully let him know you don’t agree.
5) Do not nag: No man would like a nagging wife. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Many wives think that is the only way to get her husband to do things is by nagging. But the truth is that your nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn’t mean he has to do it.
6) Give him his space: As a wife you need to understand that your husband has a life other than you also. He has his family, friends and colleagues who are part of his life too. He may also have some hobbies he is involved in. Don’t expect his undivided attention. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes.
7) Keep him happy in bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. When you please your man, he would be obliged to please you too. Please your man in bed. If you cannot keep your man happy in bed he may go where he can get it. After all, a man is a man! According to research, the major reason why men cheat is mostly physical whereas for a woman it is emotional.
8) Plan Surprises: Men like surprises too. It can be anything like organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it or planning a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite snack or any of his favorite dishes once in a while even if you would rather eat something else.
9) Express your love and appreciation often: Men like praises and appreciation. Make the best of your time together. They like to hear the words ‘I love you’ too. Also join him in activities that he’s interested in even though you would prefer to do something else. Give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him very often, especially when he is at home. You can cook for him or give him a good massage. Making him dependent on you by doing his chores when he is at home is not a bad idea. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. Don’t withhold affection.
10) Honesty, Loyalty and Dedication: A good wife should be honest, loyal and dedicated to her husband. Marriage is a lifelong commitment.
11) Prepare yourself: A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Take special care about your appearance every day. Include exercises in your daily routine. Be hygienic. Some woman feel that since they are married why they should dress up or take care of their appearance. A man likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat on you behind your back.
12) Prepare the House: Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this, be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously, without complains.
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